How today went:


I am Spartacus.

I punched a tiger.

I ate a penguin.

I put my face in the lasagna.

I wrote my name on my arms so people would yell “DJ!” as I ran by.

I drew a penis on my forehead so people would yell, “Huh???” as I ran by.

I grabbed your boyfriend’s ass.

I head-butted your mom.

I jumped on the bed so hard I bonked my head on the ceiling fan.

I bloodied my socks.

I spun in circles until I started walking funny.

I ate every leftover in the fridge, including the capers and egg carton.

I scraped the salt from my body and put it in the restaurant shaker.

I turned my pee orange.

I walked up to Scott Brown and gave him a high five, then punched him in the scrote.

I refused to wear a watch.

I did a booty-dance with the medal-distribution people.

I stopped at mile 24, pointed at my left knee, and told it that it was MY BITCH NOW.

I came home and showered and scrunched my hair until it was Texas-pageant-mom big.

I licked my medal.

Friends, I ran a 3:39 with minimal training and moderate effort.  Ms. Physical-therapist-to-the-stars Chilli is getting 5 dozen cookies.  You all are getting a fist-punch-to-the-air at the MacBook cam (which is not on, suckahs).

What a long, strange journey it has been.

*raises fists, punches air, juggles pillows*


2 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by LT on April 19, 2010 at 7:28 pm

    Man this post got me so PUMPED!!! I headbutted my dog and we both screamed!!!!


  2. Posted by LB on April 19, 2010 at 10:20 pm

    I just want you to know that I tracked you all morning at work and gave my coworkers DJ marathon status updates every time you passed a 5k marker. And then we all high-fived and drank toasts to your swiftfootedness.

    They all think you’re super-double-plus hardcore… and that I’m pretty awesome ‘cuz i ran with you that once… you know for like 5 miles.

    love and kisses.


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