Search Engine Optimization, Running, and You


I believe this high-quality diagram can answer all your SEO questions.

WEATHER: 60 — unseasonably warm

MILES: 9ish

MILES THIS WEEK: I don’t wanna talk about it.

WHERE TO: Zoo, Rock Creek Park, etc.

MOOD: Apprehensive.

ADDITIONAL NOTES:

It’s been a rough week in runningland.  After the pain-train doubleheader of marathon one weekend, uber-long runs the next, my legs have been in a downright pissy mood.

Tuesday morning found me whimpering as I laced up my shoes.  Wednesday morning, I only made myself go for a 5-mile death march by promising myself a bagel containing a veritable cream-cheese-‘splosion once I got to work.

Then on Thursday, I woke up, looked down at my legs, and said, “Yaaaaaay.  Ready for a brisk seven-miler, ladies?”  Because (duh) if we’re anthropomorphosizing my legs, they are most definitely ladies.

“Aw, haaaiiilllll no!” said my legs, which also apparently have Southern accents and are obstinate.  So–and I hate to admit this–I took two straight days off this week.  Horror of horrors, I know.  May God have mercy on my soul.

So anyway.  As the race approaches (sevendays sevendays sevendayssevenflippingdays <eye twitch>) I am working on just keeping my mind off of running, because denial is the best way to deal with problems, aside from smearing cream cheese on your chin/forehead/neck/socks as you lock your office door, turn around, and just WAIL on that bagel.

So today I hope to instruct you all not just on the fine art of running, but also on the fine art of blogging.  As some of you may have noticed, I’ve started promoting the blog on Facebook, in an attempt to get more hits.  And indeed, one of our interns here at The Running Log the other day came and pointed out to me that the last post got more hits than ever, which is sort of awesome, considering that I figured it would make you all cringe hard enough to pull a muscle or three.

But I’m getting greedy.  And if you all aren’t going to sit there and hit refresh over and over like good little Running Log readers, that’s just fine.  I’ll just have to employ some hardcore search engine optimization strategies.  And you, too, can attract new readers to your subpar blog as well with the strategic use of popular search terms. Below, I have revamped passages from a potential blog post about the virtues of running by amping them up with some of the most popular topics on the internet.  I have put these key terms in ALL CAPS below to alert you to their presence and also because it’s fun to yell at you.

Let the pervy shut-in internet-addicted hordes arrive.

————————-

Original Text: “Taking up running is one of the best decisions you can make for your health.  Running can help you to manage your weight, lower your cholesterol and blood pressure, release endorphins, and as a fringe benefit, it can tone up your legs and help to minimize that unsightly cellulite.”

Revised Text: “Taking up running is one of the best decisions you can make for your health.  OPRAH has done it, as have WILL FERRELL and SARAH PALIN, and I’m also willing to bet that JUSTIN BIEBER has run once or twice in his life.  Running will GIVE YOU A FLAT BELLY and also allow you to LOSE WEIGHT WITHOUT DIETING, and also in general get you up off your ass and stop you from sitting around all day, watching FREE STREAMING EPISODES OF ‘TRUE BLOOD’ AND ‘ENTOURAGE.'”

————————-

Original Text: “It’s also cost-effective, since you only really need to buy shoes to get started.  It’s cheaper than a gym, in short, and also requires less prep time.  Once you lace up, boom — you’re out the door, no need to mess with locker rooms and embarrassing nudity, haha!”

Revised Text: “It’s also cost-effective and cheaper than a gym, helping you to manage your money better so that you can PAY DOWN YOUR DEBT and also REFINANCE YOUR MORTGAGE.  And since you won’t be at the gym, you won’t have to worry about embarrassing nudity, particularly yours showing up on those SECRET WOMEN’S LOCKER ROOM CAMERAS that I’ve heard about.”

————————–

Original Text: “Many people report that running ‘clears their heads’ and helps them to forget life’s problems.  And indeed, a long run can be just the thing to give you time to think and space to reflect on what’s really important.”

Revised Text: “Running is a great way to clear your head, relieve tension, and CURE YOUR MIGRAINES FOREVER.  Indeed, a long run can be just the thing to give you time to reflect on life’s big questions, like: ‘CAN I REALLY MAKE DOUBLE MY SALARY BY WORKING FROM HOME?’ and ‘IS TOM CRUISE GAY?’ and ‘ARE ALL THOSE KIDS ON ‘GLEE’ LEGAL YET?  I SURE HOPE SO.'”

——————————

Original Text: “Before you start a running regimen in earnest, you may want to consult your doctor and schedule a physical.  In particular, ask your doctor if you exhibit any risk factors for running-related injuries, like weak joints or asymmetrical legs or feet.”

Revised Text: “Before you start a running regimen in earnest, you may want to consult your doctor.  Maybe schedule a physical, or if you can’t wait, just ask Doc at your next appointment, which I’m pretty sure you’ve scheduled anyway to find out about HOW TO NATURALLY AND EFFECTIVELY GROW YOUR BREASTS/PENIS WITHOUT SURGERY and LAST ALLLLL NIGHT and BECOME A LEVEL-80 PALADIN also REPLACE YOUR KITCHEN COUNTERTOPS AT MINIMAL COST.  Most of which doesn’t really make sense, but then again, you’re basically asking for a miracle with that breast/penis question anyway.  But while you’re at it, maybe ask about REDUCED-PRICE VIAGRA DELIVERED TO YOUR HOME and sing a RICK ASTLEY tune or two.”

——————————-

Original Text: “Speed workouts are one way to ramp up your running.  You might want to try 800-meter repeats at 10-K pace, with 400-meter rest jogs in between.”

Revised Text: “ASIAN GIRLS ASIAN GIRLS ASIAN GIRLS.”

——————————-

WordPress, brace your servers.

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3 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by molly on November 17, 2010 at 11:25 am

    hahahaha!!!

    Reply

  2. Posted by reicherte on November 27, 2010 at 4:51 pm

    Funny post about SEO, like it!

    Reply

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