Archive for the ‘Useful Information’ Category

This Week in (What I Deem to Be) Running News


"The Running Log is finally on Facebook? MY WORK IS COMPLETE! We add no one else!" (photo courtesy of Time.com)

WEATHER: Like running in boiling cream-of-mushroom soup.

MILES: 5.5

MILES THIS WEEK: 28 or so…

WHERE TO: Malcolm X Park, Howard U Reservoir, etc.

MOOD: Meh.

TODAY’S RUNNING SONG: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLJf9qJHR3E

ADDITIONAL NOTES:

Once again, it’s time for your weekly running news briefs (a.k.a. weekly low-effort post). KABLAMMO!

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JIWOK: The Review (with a side homage to Coach P.)


Yay-yuh. Crank those tunes.

WEATHER: Humid and hot.  As if we did anything else in DC.

MILES: 5.5

MILES THIS WEEK: 38

WHERE TO: Malcolm X Park, Howard U Reservoir, etc.

MOOD: Just dandy!

TODAY’S RUNNING SONG: http://youtu.be/lTx3G6h2xyA

ADDITIONAL NOTES:

First things first — I am IN for the 2011 JFK 50 Miler!  Everybody wave your hands and say, “Heyyyy!”  Or, alternatively, wave your hands and say, “Heyyyyy!” and then grab my shoulders and say, “No, seriously.  Your achilles tendons are going to feel like ASS for five months.”  A fair point.  Whatever.  Still excited, you fascist narc buzzkills!

Anyway. Now is the moment that you have been waiting for:

JIWOK: THE OFFICIAL REVIEW

And before I start, a quick (and impartial, honest) reminder that if you go “Like” them on their Facebook page and say that DJ sent you, you get a month free trial. For real! Will you still want to after the review? Oh, DO read on to find out.

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FREE SHIT! (and other important running news)


Need a coach? Ask one of these beefcakes. Mmmmmmm. Or just read to the end of the post.

WEATHER: Humid and hot

MILES: 10

MILES THIS WEEK: 35?

WHERE TO: Carter Barron, 16th Street, Columbia Heights, etc.

MOOD: Productive!

ADDITIONAL NOTES:

My dearest readers, you have slogged through my posts long enough without getting anything in return, other than the occasional wang-related joke or minorly helpful running-related tip (a.k.a. Powerade = Satan).  But now I give you a new feature on the blog, which will be a weekly thing, I swear:

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The Official Pre-Grandma’s-Marathon Rituals


Things we do pre-Grandma’s Marathon:

  • Stop on the drive up at Pump-N-Munch.  Because it’s called “Pump-N-Munch.”

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Recovering from Injury! (Stage 6 — which may be optional — and Stage 7)


Here. Have a lollie.

WEATHER: Warm and sunny and delightful — 72 degrees and not humid.

MILES: 9.5

MILES THIS WEEK: 9.5

WHERE TO: Back into Mojo-land.

MOOD: Cautiously optimistic.

ADDITIONAL NOTES:

First, let me say that I HAVE MY MOJO BACK!  Did I do 23 miles yesterday?  Yes.  Did I receive several facefuls/eyefuls of gnats?  Yes.  Is my chest slightly abraded from carrying Gu packets in my sports bra?  Oh, you better believe it.  Is life back to normal?  <punches air>  Helllls yes!

Anyway.  On to the important stuff: getting over your injury.  You’ve cross-trained, you feel yourself getting stronger, etc., and yet — and yet.

And yet.

The injury isn’t better-better.  It’s just sort of half-assed improving.  And you, as the world’s greatest super happy fun time run run runnerperson ever, do not do anything that isn’t at the very least 90-percent-assed.  But you also don’t need no stinking doctor.  Also, you were sick that day in college where they taught you how to be an adult and how health insurance works, so words like “deductible” and “copay” and “HMO” and “doctor” are still a little mystifying to you.

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Recovering from Injury! (Stages 3 through 5)


Stationary cycling AND an hour of C+C Music Factory? I'M IN! LET'S GO SPINNING!

WEATHER: Hot and humid.  Which I sort of love.

MILES: 10!!!!!

MILES THIS WEEK: 19.

WHERE TO: Tralalalala, fields of happy green non-injured beauty, covered in bunnies and flowers and, yeah, OK, a few blisters.

MOOD: Ecstaaaaaatic.

ADDITIONAL NOTES:

When we last left off, we had worked our way through Stage 2, which involves copious amounts of anger and questionable ways of dealing with it.

And now, reluctantly, I invite you to enter

Stage 3: Mourning

Alright, sweetheart.  Let it out.  Cry open-mouthed, choking sobs and bang your fists on the floor. Drink a pint of Wild Turkey.  Make and eat an entire loaf of banana-peanut-butter-chocolate-chip bread WITHOUT EVEN BAKING IT.  <rubs your back, holds you close>  There, there.  Yes, I realize that you just vommed whiskey/batter all over my chest.  It’s OK.  Shhhhh-

<smacks you upside the head>

Ok, 30 seconds is up.  Mourning is over.  Now it’s time for:

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Recovering from Injury (Step 2: Anger)


Dear World: I have finally found a use for Limp Bizkit. You are welcome.

WEATHER: Gorgeous.

MILES: 2.  Yes, 2.

MILES THIS WEEK: <sigh> 2.

WHERE TO: <headdesk> The treadmill at the Y.

MOOD: THE COMEBACK CONTINUES so BLAMMO!!!!!

ADDITIONAL NOTES:

To recap: Last time, we worked our way through Injury Stage One (Denial), and we are now able to admit that we are injured. Of course, today of all days was the wrong day to be fresh out of denial, for today was the day of the BOSTON MARATHON.

“Hey!” say your well-meaning friends, who care deeply about you and thus are interested in your extracurriculars. “Are you running Boston this year? Good luck!”

And you, in your infinite maturity, for you have worked through Denial, will respond with a jaunty, “Been there, done that!”  Or perhaps a shrug and a, “Nawwww.  I’m taking the year off.”  Or maybe you’re VERY strong and can say, matter-of-factly, “No; I’m injured.  Maybe next year!”  Semicolon and all!  Good for you!

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Recovering from Injury (Step 1: Admitting You Have a Problem)


Yes, you might be injured, but you are also most definitely a MIGHTY PRINCESS FORGED IN THE HEAT OF BATTLE.

WEATHER: Unseasonably warm.

MILES: A few.  Sort of.

MILES THIS WEEK: A few.  Sort of.

WHERE TO: Wandering aimlessly and listlessly in the vast and lonesome desert that the injured runner trods, dragging my gimpy foot behind me as I wail to the heavens in agony.

MOOD: Improving.  Which isn’t saying much.

ADDITIONAL NOTES:

My dear readers, it has been too long.  And so the blog makes it TRIUMPHANT EFFING RETURN with a new and informative topic:

HOW TO DEAL WITH AN INJURY.  Allll 12 stages.

So.  Put on yer ass-kicking boots and grab a juicebox and a Percocet and a girly mag.  It’s gonna be a wild ride.

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Takeaway Lesson: Don’t Go to Foot Locker.


All hail the new blog overlords! (JK, you beautiful folks at TBD. You complete me.)

WEATHER: Flippin’ cold for DC — 17 degrees at running time.

MILES: 23 — first long run of 2011!

MILES THIS WEEK: Enough.

WHERE TO: Capital Crescent Trail, Rock Creek Park, hot shower.

MOOD: Cold.

ADDITIONAL NOTES:

Good news, sports fans!  As part of my tireless effort to whore out your favorite blog, I have managed to get it occasionally picked up by Washington news website TBD.com.  And while they don’t care about my constant blathering about my personal problems or persistent sexual innuendos, they do care about the posts in which I give you valuable and timely information about the DC running scene.

And wouldn’t you know it, I actually have a DC-based running thing to tell you about.

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In Which I Shoot Down Your Weak-Ass Resolutions.


Sing it, sister.

WEATHER: Unseasonably warm!

MILES: 0.

MILES THIS WEEK: Shamefully few.

WHERE TO: Hangoverland.

MOOD: Much better than this morning.

ADDITIONAL NOTES:

Some people run to relieve stress.  They are like the free and easy gazelles of the running world, prancing gaily across the savannah, leaving their cares and worries behind.

Some run for the privilege of eating every g.d. cheeseburger they please, thankyouverymuch. These are the Great Danes of the running world–the big strong capable-looking runners who look like they could probably beat your ass and then eat your entire head.  But only after this next episode of Two-And-A-Half Men and some buffalo wings.

Some run once every few months, after they overindulge at Big Bruce’s Nacho Factory Sports Bar ‘n’ Grill and as a result feel “not-so-fresh.” These people are not really part of the running kingdom, but I guess we could classify them as tree sloths, as they only really get in gear when they see the MIGHTY HARPIE EAGLE swooping in for the ambush.  “RAAAAAH!” screeches the eagle.  “Huh?” says the sl- OH MY GOD DID YOU SEE THAT?  GROSS!

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