My waist must be skinnier and my boobs must be pointier! POINTIER, I SAY!
MILES THIS WEEK: 25ish
WHERE TO: Nowhere.
TODAY’S RUNNING SONG: Bluegrass makes running better.
This ultra training thing is all a lot harder than I remember it being last year, and not just because my Achilles tendons have turned against me. Somewhere in the middle of my second long run of every weekend, I find myself questioning whether this is a hobby I truly enjoy…whether a benevolent and loving God truly exists…what my purpose in life is…all of which comes out in the form of water fountain rage, a phenomenon in which a tour bus full of thirsty tourists pulls up JUST AS I shuffle, dehydrated and nearly defeated, up to the Jefferson Memorial water fountain, and I run at the tourists, limbs flailing, threatening to slime them with my body’s generous coating of salt, sunblock, sweat, and dead gnats. “JFICIEU$I#(@UDHVJD!” they say, in their foreign languages, which I take to mean, “This woman truly should get to drink for 10 minutes as we watch, disgusted!” Which usually happens.
Be afraid. Be very, very, very afraid.
WEATHER: Oh mah gawwwd. 95 degrees, with 124 gajillion% humidity
MILES THIS WEEK: 23.5ish
WHERE TO: Sunburnland
MOOD: <deep, contented, cleansing breath>
Stage 9: Going Overboard
You’re back, sister! Holy God, congratulations! <flaps hands> Your leg/foot/tendon/ligament/deeply blistered heel is recovered, and you can crank out relatively high mileage. Screw Bodypump/yoga/swimming/Sit & Be Fit! WE’RE BACK ON THE WAGON! LET’S DO 30 MILES TO CELEBRATE! Somebody HAND ME MY RUNNING SHOES AND CRUSH A BOTTLE OF ADVILS INTO MY WATER BOTTLE.
Here. Have a lollie.
WEATHER: Warm and sunny and delightful — 72 degrees and not humid.
MILES THIS WEEK: 9.5
WHERE TO: Back into Mojo-land.
MOOD: Cautiously optimistic.
First, let me say that I HAVE MY MOJO BACK! Did I do 23 miles yesterday? Yes. Did I receive several facefuls/eyefuls of gnats? Yes. Is my chest slightly abraded from carrying Gu packets in my sports bra? Oh, you better believe it. Is life back to normal? <punches air> Helllls yes!
Anyway. On to the important stuff: getting over your injury. You’ve cross-trained, you feel yourself getting stronger, etc., and yet — and yet.
The injury isn’t better-better. It’s just sort of half-assed improving. And you, as the world’s greatest super happy fun time run run runnerperson ever, do not do anything that isn’t at the very least 90-percent-assed. But you also don’t need no stinking doctor. Also, you were sick that day in college where they taught you how to be an adult and how health insurance works, so words like “deductible” and “copay” and “HMO” and “doctor” are still a little mystifying to you.
Drink up, Brownie. The Code Pink protesters are comin' and we wanna ogle us some bosoms.
WEATHER: Beautiful and warm.
MILES: Once again, 0, because apparently I only blog on days I don’t run.
MILES THIS WEEK: 13-14ish.
WHERE TO: The depths of Hell itself.
MOOD: <bangs head on table>
I apologize for the lag time between posts. We’re gonna get it right one of these days. This time, the excuse is that life vomited all over my shoes last week. I won’t go into details, so I’ll let you fill in the blanks (dead parakeet, I dumped one of my 9 hotties, dead wallaby, every student loan in the UNIVERSE (including those for which I did not sign up) came due, dead marmot, accidentally foffed (fart-coughed, DUHHH) during an important work meeting). So I had considered writing a post about how running can help you cope, how the cool air rushing about your limbs can help you shake off the malaise of even the most pitiful miserable existence as you jog up Massachusetts Ave. and clutch your hands to your chest and know that heartbreak is going to wash off your skin like oh shit no I can’t do it I’m trying to be serious but here it comes
Nope. Earnestness just isn’t gonna work. So today it’s once again time for:
KNOW YOUR WASHINGTON, DC WATER FOUNTAINS!
All hail the new blog overlords! (JK, you beautiful folks at TBD. You complete me.)
WEATHER: Flippin’ cold for DC — 17 degrees at running time.
MILES: 23 — first long run of 2011!
MILES THIS WEEK: Enough.
WHERE TO: Capital Crescent Trail, Rock Creek Park, hot shower.
Good news, sports fans! As part of my tireless effort to whore out your favorite blog, I have managed to get it occasionally picked up by Washington news website TBD.com. And while they don’t care about my constant blathering about my personal problems or persistent sexual innuendos, they do care about the posts in which I give you valuable and timely information about the DC running scene.
And wouldn’t you know it, I actually have a DC-based running thing to tell you about.
THE FEMALE BODY IS A BEAUTIFUL THING.
WEATHER: 45ish at running time, gradually warming to 53ish.
MILES THIS WEEK: Who even knows?
WHERE TO: Great Falls and back.
MOOD: Perhaps less embarrassed than I should be.
Today’s embarrassing-running-story is brought to you by…
- The Great Falls Visitor Center
- The C&O Towpath
- Target running shorts
- Stray tree branches
- The phrase, “Read to the end before you yell, ‘GROSS!’ and pledge to never read my blog again.”
- …because (as the title implies) IT’S NOT WHAT YOU THINK.